I remember
by Ai-Chan
Summary: A father's memories and wishes


discalimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters. J.K. Rowling did a lovely job that I cannot compare to do justice, I can simply add my own ideas.   
  
I Remember  
  
By Ai-Chan (ChibiAiChan@cs.com)  
  
I remember when he was born.  
  
It was a warm day, the heat penatrated the hospital room without mercy. He was unexpected, not due for nearly three more days. Unwanted he was not. For months names shot across the air in hopes for the perfect one. Truth be told, of all the names that had been discussed since the begining, this one was new and I was part of it.  
  
His hair sprouted in every which way, my hand went through my own raven hair. I stared, amazed. Did this really happen, is it true? As much as I tried I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face, which Sirius reminded me of everytime the moment allowed. I let out a sigh as I watched him from beyond the glass, watching his every move, how tiny his fingers and toes were. A nurse behind the glass smiled, egarly finding my son and wrapping him into her arms. She brought him out hastily and placed his tiny form into my arms.   
  
"He's a beautiful, healthy boy" I remember her saying very clearly. "I'm sure I'll hear his name again!" Her laugh echoed the hall as she tried to smooth his already impossible hair.   
  
Times flies, as they say, as quickly as he had arrived in the hospital he was home. I took it upon myself to be near him as much as the day allowed me. When he cried, I rocked him, when he was feeding, I'd stroke his hair. Was this how every father felt?   
  
A smile always rises to my lips when I think about my Hogworts years. How impossible these moments had seemed a few short years ago. Hell, I could hardly catch the one I loved, having children never entered my mind. I suppose this might be the second greatest feeling to the world, nearly as close as finally catching Lily. She had given me the most wonderful gift in the world.  
  
Sirius was over, not unusual company in our home. He had been delighted with the idea of being Godfather. I didn't much appreciate the sudden dance with Harry that was produced with the news, but I trust Sirius. I trust him enough to be part of my son's life.   
  
I have to admit, life in our home was not too amusing. Besides the occassional fountain at changing time or alarm at night, that is. Things really started picking up when he did more then sleep, eat, and need a diaper changing. He has Lily's amazing green eyes, she always told me, 'With a hint of your trouble'. I found this quite unfair, I mean, didn't he have enough of my traits? Her and I would sit on the floor when he began to crawl. Boy, did he crawl. I might have been taller and faster, but when I turned my head for merely a second, he would be gone. How he did it, I wasn't sure, but Lily insisted he hadn't used magic.   
  
I loved to lay on the floor and call his name. I can still see his chubby cheeked smile, his eyes bright as he'd toddle to me anxiously. As soon as he reached me there would be much grabbing for the hair and glasses. I'd quickly gather him into my arms, a place he certainly didn't want to be. There was too much explorering to be had.  
  
It was tough to admit, but he was getting bigger. In my oppinion, much too fast. Lily assured me that we had much to look foreward to in his coming years, if he was anything like me. I wonder what that was suppose to mean?  
  
Things got rather hectic after the calm beginings. Harry was now raising himself onto his legs, attempting to move upon them. I can't help but laugh at the memories of his first attempts. This is the times when I would take his tiny hands into mine and we would stroll the house. His legs reached far too high for any walking to be accomplished, but he tried his hardest. He never did cry when he fell, he always would get right back up to try again. That was my son.  
  
I thought nothing could go wrong. My life was perfect, I couldn't ask for anything better.   
  
Why did betrayal enter my life?  
  
In a flash my family was gone. I protected all I could, but I was only human. It didn't matter how much magic I knew and how well I could use it. This day could not be stopped, it was destiny. I only hoped my wife would some how escape the impossible.  
  
  
  
I was proud. I know probably every father says this, but I have to believe I am the proudest father this world has ever known. My son survived, he lived, he would have a future, although I wouldn't have a part in it.   
  
I watch him from afar. It was the only thing we are capable of now. I protect him when I can, but he fights his own battles, he lives his own life.   
  
The night our family was broken he survived. He was meant to live, to become someone important.   
  
Harry James Potter is my son. I wish I could tell the world, to embarress him at Quidditch matches and tease about girlfriends. I wish I was the one to teach him how to ride a bike or even to brush his teeth! I wanted to be the one who held him when he cried, be by his side the days he triumphed, and.. leave the disipling to Lily. I'd just direct the correct path.  
  
I wish for only the best. I wish for his happiness above all else. Until the day we are once again together again I will be watching him. I will always be with him. I will remember watching those green eyes as he would stand before me, tiny hands grasping my fingers, saying 'da' with a trusting smile. And now I will watch those green eyes determined and brave.   
  
He is sleeping, as I sit beside his bed. I watch him, his breathes slowly raise his chest, and then it falls again. Finally he is happy. Someday his peace will be achived. With my clear hand I lightly touch his messy hair, breaking my fingers through it as I did my own. Slightly he moves, I lift my hand and with a frown I realize that I will not be there the times he needs me most.   
  
As I haven't been for years.  
  
I lift from the nightstand I used as a chair, all the while I watch him. Lily places her invisable hand upon my shoulder, tears are glistening from her own identical eyes.   
  
"Thank you" I whisper to her, knowing perfectly well it didn't matter how loud I was in the room. I press my cheek to hers to kiss away her tears. Hand in hand we disappear as the boy who lived starts for another day.  
  
Author's notes:  
  
I am kind of nutty. You see, when I can't find a fanfic I have in mind I have to write it.. I also worked in a daycare and have a soft spot with dads bein' cute with their kids. I dunno, it's nearly 5 in the morning, I must be crazy for writing these rambling but I couldn't help it. If it's in my head it'll be in my head until I finish. I don't really expect any reviews since this was done so quickly without much forethought, but a review would be appreciated =) Thank you for reading.  
  
Finished: 7/15/03 


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